Thursday, March 22, 2007

World of Atlantis

Remember when Atlanteans had submarines that could fly in space and energy weapons? I do.

Around the late eighties, early nineties, Marvel had Atlantis Attacks, where something happened and Atlanteans were geared for war and attacking people at random. Something about a crown of serpents. Matter of fact, it was the eighties. Definitely, the eighties.

Anyway, later, when Namor started Oracle, Inc. and had lots of American money to throw around for leather jackets and phony jobs for his cousin, Namorita, Namor would provide other superheroes with rocket subs, that were a million times faster than your ass. That was in Heroes For Hire in the nineties. Apparently, mankind would have better technology if it wasn't for all this open air we breathe.

Now, though, when Namor gathers a squad of Atlantis Finest to smack down the Fascist Avengers, we get these rave rejects with whalebone swords.

What happened? Were are the guns and flying subs and horn o'sonic disruptors? You don't fight Iron Man with seafood leftovers, you wail on his ass with the best in underwater firepower!

Get it together, Namor! New Earth's Atlantis has been busted into a Dark Age, and they still have plasma cannons even if they are on tripods. Give 'em enough time, they'll have learned about triggers, maybe even pistol grips.


kyle-latino said...

Not only were those subs faster than your ass, they were powered by JUST WATER... that's how freak'n advances these guys were. Or hey, how about a good old-fashioned giant monster to even things up.

Jon Hex said...

Only Tokyo could face Atlantis in a monster-against-monster scenario.

Them and the Mole Man.