Weekend Fun

So this Saturday I had an excellent time playing HeroClix and getting schooled by the Great JC himself. Seeing a bunch of regular guys on a Saturday playing a game based on superheroes got me to wondering what superheroes do on their downtime. So I decided to hop over most of the country and see what the Avengers WestCoast were up to.

Like most superheroes, USAgent was busy working out in full costume while his compatriots stood around and either heckled or remained unimpressed because they could lift that weight with one mechanical hand. It was a slow day in the City of Angels, but things started looking up for everyone except Iron Man when Wonder Man showed up. Oh, Stark, you were always a bit of a douche.

Anyway, Simon has to go reshoot scenes for his late 80's action movie and needs someone to take his place at a charity event. Iron Man shoots him down saying they had other responsibilities, like watching USAgent work out. But Hawkeye, being not a douche, decides that teammates help each other out. And that's how Hawkeye, Iron Man, Vision and USAgent found themselves at a monster truck rally.

So the redneck's happy, but the rest of the Left Coast Avengers have to tough it out. They put on a show for the crowd but one member of the audience is anything but entertained. A villain who uses a monster truck rally as his debut? This guy must be pure evil, but with a lousy memory. He seems to have brought the blueprints of his master plan along with him. This ne'er-do-well has a point to make and everyone will remember the dramatic debut of......Doctor Goodwrench. Yeah.

So, the good Dr. sends the MTR machines to attack the crowd in the name of machine freedom and the Avengers Dub-C spring into action, without yelling "Avengers Assemble!" Kind of troubling. Still they fight off the mechanical dinosaur and Goodwrench tells the machines to "defend" themselves against the Avengers. Because trucks, no matter how big they are, are no match for the Avengers, Goodwrench turns Iron Man's armor against the Avengers, bringing Hawkeye to a realization that everyone should have came to when Goodwrench first rocked the mic.

Doctor Goodwrench is insane. Because machines don't talk. And Hawkeye decides to talk Doctor Goodwrench down. But it's the Vision who finally brings an end to this quirky tale. And yeah, Vision at this point is half C3-PO. Maybe two-thirds. And this wacky story wraps up the only way it could.

"Let's hug it out, bitch!"

And one last bit of douchery from Mr. Stark. Because Wonder Man drove Doctor Goodwrench crazy.

I think it's telling that while us normal guys are playing hero on weekends, superheroes are doing normal things on their weekends like going to monster truck rallies and making sure nutjobs get the help they need. I think that's called irony.

And who brought us this feel good time from the next best Avengers?

MARVEL VS. DC: Best Synthetic Teammate

In DC's Corner: The Red Tornado

Red Tornado was originally a sentient cyclone from Rann known as the Tornado Tyrant. If Rann had more sentient weather patterns, those Thanagarian punks wouldn't stand a chance. He fought extraterrestrial sperm donor Adam Strange, but after observing Strange and the Justice League of America, it changed it's name to the Tornado Champion to be a force for good (except part of him split off to remain the Tyrant). The T. Champion then came to Earth and possessed an android body created by the awesomely named T.O. Morrow. He rebelled at his creator(?), well, guy who captured his essence and decided to join the JLA.

An underappreciated member of the Justice League(really, tornado based powers are extremely useful in most atmosphere based situations), Reddie(ugh) has the distinction of being Most Likely to Blow Up. His Who's Who entry alone had three instances of spontaneous robotic combustion and he spent 52 as a disembodied head. Though he did manage to get married to Kathy Sutton and adopted that crazy looking kid in the picture above, Traya, under the alias John Smith, he managed to spend time in limbo on the D-list team Primal Force without anyone looking for him. It was until he was found by Young Justice in the JLA's cave like a piece of old furniture that Sutton and Traya were reunited with their favorite superhero. He has now rejoined the Justice League after a bout of humanity.

In Marvel's Corner: The Vision

Originally thought to be the synthozoid Human Torch, Vision was created when evil robot Ultron recreated the design of the Human Torch and infused it with the power to change it's density, flight, superstrength and a laser jewel, as well as the mind patterns of Simon Williams, Wonder Man. Vision broke free of Ultron's control and was invited to join the Avengers. While serving, his emotions developed and he fell in love with fellow Avenger, Scarlet Witch. They were married soon after, and had twin sons, who turned out to be not real, considering he's basically a robot. The realization that her sons were just pieces of Master Pandemonium's missing soul, sent Scarlet Witch into the beginnings of a breakdown(one of many).

After being influenced by the Titan supercomputer ISAAC into taking over the world's computers, Vision was captured by the government, dissected and put back together with none of his emotions. This was the final straw that caused Scarlet Witch to lose her mind and rejoin her father, Magneto. Even though Scarlet Witch came back to her senses, Vision and Scarlet Witch's marriage was done due to his lack of emotion. He only regained his emotions after being transferred into the body of an alternate universe's Vision by an alternate universe version of Black Knight called Proctor. Emotions and, as the alternate Vision pointed out, functioning genitalia.

After Heroes Reborn, Vision decided it would be best if Scarlet Witch be allowed to live her own life and pursue her connection with Simon, who she brought back from the dead. Vision then started dating Ms. Marvel(then known as Warbird), and might have reconnected with Scarlet Witch, if he hadn't belched up Ultrons and was ripped asunder in Avengers Disassembled. He was wrote off as unsalvageable after that but his programming was downloaded into the Young Avenger Iron Lad's psychokinetic armor, bringing him back to action, except younger(?). Well, free of the previous Vision's experiences.

Who Wins?

I know a lot of people have a problem with Red Tornado; that he may be a lame character and really doesn't deserve to be in the JLA. But after his time mentoring Young Justice, I think people have been giving him a bad rap. Then again, when your biggest storyline is the dreadful, poorly thoughtout The Tornado's Path, well, there just might be something the naysayers get that I fully haven't. Vision, on the other hand, had a synthetic body with working junk.

Whereas Red Tornado seemed to lament his inability to feel truly human, Vision had no problem, really, connecting with humanity, until his first reconstruction. He even choose a name with some personality(Victor Shade) instead of a con man stand-by like John Smith. And when Vision does his half solid arm phase through someone's chest, it's always cool, unlike that inexplicable arrow on RT's head.

THE WINNER: