Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Continuity Spisis, Spiderisis, However You Want To Smush Spider & Crisis

Three weeks into "Brand New Day" and the one thing most of the people I've talked to about the new SpiderQuo are still stuck on is how "One More Day" completely screwed up Marvel continuity. It is the number one thing I still think about, no matter how good a job Dan Slott and Steve McNiven have done so far. But this guy isn't just going to complain. He's going to do something about it.

By this guy, I mean me.

Here for Slott, Steve Wacker, Joe Quesada, and the rest of the people who still care about Your Friendly Neighborhood Web-slinger are ten continuity fixes thought of by yours truly that might help to explain how Mephisto's deal changed Spider-Man(& Marvel in general) history.

1. Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson were set to marry until Peter got cold feet when his best friend Harry Osborn divorced his wife Liz Allan. Peter and Mary Jane tried for awhile to make it work but Mary Jane was never able to forgive Peter's decision to stop the marriage.

2. Without Normie to bring up the issues he had with his father, Harry Osborn was never pushed over the edge into taking over as Green Goblin. Free of marriage commitments, Harry devoted himself to taking over his father's company and womanizing.

3. Spider-Man joins the New Avengers a year after serving a brief stint with the Avengers where he gained the trust and respect of Captain America. Not having a family to follow him to Avengers Mansion, he never reveals his secret identity to the New Avengers. Jigsaw does not break his arm during the Raft prison break because that would be impossible. And why the hell was Jigsaw in a supervillain prison, anyway?

4. During the press conference where Spider-Man was set to reveal his identity to the public, the building was attacked by the Sinister Six. Electro shorted out the electricity in the room, cutting the lights and newsfeed before Spidey's identity was revealed.

5. Before another press conference could be arranged, Spidey learned of the Prison 42 and the other crazy ideas Stark, Richards, and Pym came up with and decided to join the Anti-Registration side.

6. The Spider-Clone is still in that smokestack.

7. Staying with the Anti-Reg side, Spidey redons his black costume to for it's stealth, rather than other emo reasons. Since he's no longer with MJ, his donning of the suit that haunted MJ's dreams is no longer seen as insensitive.

8. Black Cat, joins the Pro-Registration side to get closer to Spidey, but stays because she feels it gains her a measure of respectability after her past criminal activities. Spidey, while disapproving of her choice, still sees Black Cat for a round of Keep-The-Masks-On, when the mood strikes.

9. Gwen Stacy never has pity sex with Norman Osborn. I don't know what that story was supposed to do or what, but it made me throw up in my mouth a little. She does have pity sex with Peter Parker.

10. Flash Thompson never goes to Vietnam, dates Felicia Hardy or falls into a coma after being set up for drunk driving by Green Goblin. In this new reality, Flash was a grade A douche until he had to take a cross country road trip with a nerdy, but beautiful art major who teaches him compassion and acceptance. And the Shocker.


Gyuss Baaltar said...

1) Yay for Flash Thompson learning about the Shocker!

2) I think Harry's still gonna be a Goblin. Jackpot is on the tail of someone breaking into Osborn warehouse.

Liam said...

One More Day has left me a very angry nerd. All that to erase a marraige. Is Quesada having problems at home or something?