I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get Your Civil War On!!!!!!!!!!

It's Monday, Know What That Means

Continued from previous post...

X-Corporation: Los Angeles home office

“Want to go up another level? You’re at 38.7 tons and holding steady.”
Sweating more than she would care to, Monet St. Croix pressed the bar as high as she could. Connected to each end of the bar were pneumatic resistance pistons and gauges to display relative weight. Monet, or M to those she’s pummeling, was certain she was nearly at her limit, but, “Raise it two levels, Julio.”
“No prob, chica loca.” He raised the level to 40.6 tons but kept his finger close to the RESET button. “Your concern is noted, Julio, Monet announced, “but, ugh, unnecessary.” She grunted, loudly and frequently, but managed to keep the bar up with her arms at full extension for five solid minutes. “Who is the loca one, eh?”
“My sincerest apologies, Ms. St. Croix. I’ll remember to never doubt you again.” He quickly switched off the pressure, relieving his associate of her burden. “I think that’s enough for today. You’ve reached a record high by 1.7 tons.”
“I want to train some more.”
“Do you? Well, too bad. The equipment won’t work down there unless there’s someone up here. I call it ‘the no angry training’ rule. Come on. Help me do inventory, the move is next month.”
M patted her face, anxious to remove the sweat and to not show Julio she was worried about the sweat. “Fine. You better be very amusing while we work or we come right back.”
“Deal.”
BA-DOOM!
“What the hell?!” Julio, Rictor to those he’s pummeling, ran out of the training control room heading straight for the situation room. Collision alarms were going off and on the main view screen, a 3-D view of the outside of the tower showed a bow in the outer wall. Something hit the side, hard, and was apparently still there.
“What is it?”
“Something hit us. It’s embedded in the safety mesh and, shit, we got multiple incoming.” Rictor hit a button on the console, opening a port in the far wall. M didn’t hesitate, taking off immediately and Rictor barely had to the time to yell, “North wall,” before M is out and banking right. Rictor turns and heads for the roof elevator.
Nova shakes his head, knowing he can’t stay in the open for long. Three yellow blots are in his view, smaller green blots growing close to them. The lead blot yells, “Give us the data, buckethead, and we’ll make this easy.”
Nova glared. “It’s Nova, bitches!” He flew straight out, clothes lining two of the A.I.M. troopers and reaching out for a third. He was rewarded with a blast of plasma energy to his chest and a return to the depression he made into the X-Corp building. Hit thrice more, he finally broke through the safety mesh, a system of wire and polymers designed to keep structural integrity in the event of attack, and fell to the floor of a lobby.
He braced himself, wondering why he went in alone. A minute passed and nothing. Nova stood and looked up. A girl in what looked like an expensive leather trench coat was flying circles through the A.I.M. troopers. Nova had a split second of jealousy until he realized that the girl had outside help.
Rictor was on the roof, seismic blasting anyone getting a bead on M. It was getting tricky, wave after wave of troopers were sweeping in and the latest finally took notice of the Latino making hand gestures 38 stories up.
“M, we’re outnumbered. We need to get inside.”
“Too much excitement, Julio? Didn’t your X-Force buddies get into scraps like this all the time?” “That’s not-hey, Nova!” The Human Rocket streaked into the battle, taking great pleasure in smashing in as many of those stupid beekeeper helmets he could find. The troopers fired recklessly, hitting each other while M and Nova wrecked those they missed. But there were still too many.
“Inside,” Rictor called again, the signal being picked up by Nova’s helmet as well as M’s earpiece. “We need cover and backup.”

“Fine. But let’s clear of few of these clowns.” Nova circled around and took M by the arm. “Follow my lead, gorgeous.” Reluctantly, M took Nova’s arm and they begun a cyclone spin, intentionally ramming into as many of the troopers as they could find. After clearing most of the troopers in the vicinity, the pair turned and retreated into the X-Corp tower.
Once inside, M promptly smacked Nova across the face, only slightly holding back. “I’ll thank you never to call me ‘Gorgeous’ again.”

The Beauty in Crap

Now that I've had time to vent, I can address the good points of Civil War #7.

1. Catharsis


2. Yes, Spider-Man can kick your ass.


And that's it.

Hey, It's Captain Marvel! Why does NO ONE notice?!

He cried! Jesus Christ, he cried!

Better Superheroing Through Douchebaggery

LAME

Wish Fulfillment

I was thinking of what to do with this blog, something that makes it worthwhile to you, the reader, and most importantly, to me, the writer. Not that ranting isn't consistantly enjoyable, because it is, thoroughly. But I want something more for this site, and well, I can do what I want with it.

I think I mentioned before that I sometimes think of comic concepts, probably like every other comic reader, and hell, I write them out occasionally. Mainly because if I don't, I'll continually rework it in my head over and over again. So, I'll post a story I was working on here (the beginning, at first) and make it a weekly thing. Doing it by week not only makes it seem like a feature, but gives me the time to actually write it, so it's win-win.

Disclaimer: Story was started around 2002 so no event in the last five years will be alluded to or in any way acknowledged.

With out further ado, here's:

It was quiet as usual. That was what Eddie liked most about this job. He had heard too many stories, read too many articles, about what happens when guys in his position have “exciting” days. But that was the risk you took when you signed up for A.I.M., the Advanced Idea Mechanics. Beatdowns from super-types and perpetual bad hair days.
“What does this thing do, exactly?” Eddie asked, turning the bulky device around in his hands. The main component was egg-shaped and the size of a small boom box with a lens in the front. An entwined series of wires and tubes connected the egg-box to the handle, which resembled that of a hairdryer. There were buttons and switches, and two gauges, spread out on the left side, as well as the standard trigger near the handle.
Eddie’s partner, a three-year veteran A.I.M. guard, held up his weapon, a longer version of Eddie’s own and shrugged. “You’ll find out if you ever need to use it. I thank God for every day I spend in ignorance.”
“Guess you’re right.”
KRA-KOOM!!
The sky lit up like high noon, a brilliant glow of yellow and orange. Eddie and his partner stood and stared towards the light and instantly knew what they meant about the deer and headlights. It took the follow-up noises to snapped them into motion. The blaring of alarms, the yelling of orders on their headsets, and the firing of shots from very high-tech, unwieldy weapons.
‘Teams two and three, cut him off at the entrance. Teams eight and six, fortify the guard stations.’
‘He’s past us! He’s past us!’
“Jesus. Jesus. What do we do? What do we do?”
“Shut up, Eddie! Take the safety off - you hear that?”
“Off what!? Hear what?!”
“Shut up! Listen.” There was a sound, like a falling rock getting closer, and closer, and-
‘I got him! I think I got him!’
“DUCK!”
With a crash like thunder, a blue and yellow streak tore through the guard station, crumbling half the roof and the front wall. Eddie dove out the way barely missing being crushed by a support beam. He rose quickly, adrenaline pumping, fearing he would be trapped if he stayed still. His partner’s limp, still body went unnoticed as he ran through the new exit.
“Jesus. Jesus!” Eddie stared down at the human rocket that nearly killed him. The rocket stirred, then rose, shaking off debris like a wet dog. Three starbursts emblazoned on the intruder’s chest sparked recognition in Eddie’s confused mind. “I know you,” he blurted, more to himself than the intruder.
“Yeah? Know a doctor?” Eddie’s face recoiled like an apple hit with a hammer when the intruder clocked him with a quick jab. A roundhouse sent Eddie sprawling across the pavement. The intruder flew off, trailed by a dozen A.I.M. shock troops on anti-grav sleds.
“I-I do knuh-” Eddie croaked, spitting a wad of blood and teeth into the visor inside of his helmet. “I know-”
“Nova jus’ kicked muh asss-”

Justice League vs. Justice League Unlimited

VS.

So I was talking Wednesday with Big Mike and "EW" Devon about what the Justice League should be.

Big Mike thinks the Justice League should be the showcase for the heroes of the DCU. Whenever a disaster strikes, a call goes out and whoever is available comes together as the Justice League. This way, not only is the reader treated to the kind of story anyone interested in superteam books (which is everyone), but also draws attention to the characters whose first name isn't Bat, Super or Wonder.

"EW" Devon agrees with BM (heh, I'm so calling you that, Mike) with the reasoning that, realistically, the Big Seven (Bats, Supes, Wondy, GL, Flash, MM, & AM) can't always just be there, tossing aside the many over events that befall them on a monthly basis. Which makes sense in comic-realistic and real-realistic. Wolverine seems to be on three teams, as well as a fugitive from SHIELD, and dealing with other personal problems, and it just gets to be too much in a month.

Devon suggests that the team consists of maybe three core team members (Bats, Supes, Wondy-I'm noticing a theme with my interludes) and random available heroes showing up for the occasion.

Valid points all.

I have a problem with that concept though. One, without a set team, the book becomes an anthology series, without any real focus for prolong plots. The cartoon series had the underlying plots, but it also called for many of the same characters to show up every week.

Another issue I have is that, well, we've seen what happens when lackluster members make up the World's Greatest Heroes. And would the Justice League deserve that title when Blue Beetle and Flamebird have an equal chance with Captain Marvel and Huntress? No offense to the former, but they are not JL material, but if they were available, then they could be in. This isn't the Outsiders or Teen Titans, this is the pro-team.

So what do YOU think, Justice League of America or Justice League Unlimited?

Everybody Get Random

Is it just me or did New Avengers #27 come out too soon?

Want to see the lamest version of the Acolytes/Brotherhood? Read X-Men Annual #1. Still a good story, but Random, Tempo and Frenzy? It's more like the Alliance than the Acolytes.

All the rape Marvel won't show seems to end up in DC. Namely Jonah Hex #16.

I don't care what anyone else says or thinks, Batgirl kicks ass in Supergirl #14. But watch out for Kirby machinery.

Geoff Johns further pulls back the veils of time giving us a new(?) origin of Mon-El in Action Comics Annual #10 and shows us what Luthor's been up to since Up, Up And Away. Also, 52 Week Forty is the best place for a throwdown between two geniuses inspired by Superman to better themselves.

Chili cheese burgers are great. But you shouldn't eat them everyday. I try like once every two weeks, to remind myself how good they taste.

The Irredeemable Ant-Man is a right bastard. Check out issue #5. A real bitch's bastard.

What have we gained?

Post Infinite Crisis, where DC was supposed to enter a new golden age and all these new creators were supposed to make us love DC's greatest again?

Where is it?

Think about the books you were reading before IC reared it's head, before OYL entered your thought processes. Hawkman, Flash, Wonder Woman, JLA, Teen Titans, Manhunter, etc. Now think about what books you're looking forward to reading this month. Are any of those on the list? Do they even exist anymore?

I looked forward to Hawkman beating the holy sh!t out someone month after month and Wonder Woman beating the holy sh!t out of someone month after month with a more diplomacy. Now, I can only get Wonder Woman month after next month, and even when she's in Justice League of America, well, she's not doing much of anything. And don't get me started on Hawkman. Seeing him crash a family picnic was catharsis.

Yeah, Manhunter isn't IC's fault, but still, it's gone. And what is left in it's wake? What's left, that's good, I mean. Teen Titans is the epitome of mediocrity. Wonder Woman is great, but it's on the third issue after a year. Justice League of America is pretty well discussed on many other blogs, which is the point. And Hawkgirl? Space vagina.

Not that everything's bad. Robin has been better, and well, Grant Morrison and Paul Dini are handling Batman. Busiek is the best Superman writer in a while, and if Geoff Johns was idolizing him instead of Richard Donner, Action Comics wouldn't be redundant tripe. Checkmate is a worthy successor to Gotham Central(as a showcase for Rucka's talent), but that doesn't mean I don't miss GC. Especially with Crispus in that stinker Tales of the Unexpected (no offense, Azzarello) and Montoya's story losing all steam in 52.

I don't know whether this post has any point than just to ask whether anyone else is as disappointed as I am.

And Black Lightning's new costume looks like a rejected evil Flash suit.

Just saying.

Embrace the Fun

Now that the multiverse is coming back (is back, may be coming back, whatever the hell is going on), I've been thinking about all the great team-ups that can occur thanks to that wonderful Wildstorm invention, the Bleed. Yes, the new all-purpose method of traveling from one universe to the other is The Bleed. Just read Majestic, Captain Atom: Armageddon, and the latest issue of Ion: Guardian of the Universe. You know, if a mainstream DC book is going to crossover with a mainstream Wildstorm book, isn't that evidence that the multiverse exists?

Anyway, by teamup, I pretty much mean Batmen United. I want to see Bats from Batman/Houdini: The Devil's Workshop team up with the JSA from JSA: Liberty Files. It would feature Nazi vampires, Italian werewolves and the first ever fight-before-team-up of two Batmen in trenchcoats. And Hourman has to fight off six werewolves before being saved by the JSA: LF version of Wildcat. Sweet.

Next, continuing the Batman/vampire theme I got running, I'd have the Dark Knight of the Round Table do battle against the Batman from Crimson Mist. It will be an epic struggle that will lead to the realization that the real villain is a rhymer from Hell, which would then guest star Etrigan while he was a servant of Merlin.

And it doesn't have to be just Batman meeting Batman, which would never get old, by the way. We could see the now infamous pirate Batman sailing the high seas with the also now infamous Captain Fear. Joo no joo wan eht. We could find out who's more badass; Batman: Year 100 or the Midnighter, which is really just Batman vs. Batman again, but we'll look past that. And how cool would it be to have In Darkest Knight Green Lantern (I have no picture. Let it go.) take on suddenly holier than thou Hal Jordan?

So bring on the multiverse. If only to increase Batman's lead in most comic appearances to date.

The Return of Batgirl, Let Me Explain:

I was all set for the rematch of Cassandra and Robin, a battle dripping pathos and angst. And what do I get? Deathstroke, for some unknown reason, drugging evil Cassandra Cain to do evil things. Did Geoff Johns miss Robin's One Year Later story? Or is this a lame attempt to bring Cassandra back into the fold?

So, I ask again, What the f#ck?

The Return of Batgirl

What the f#ck?