Ultimatum: Expected

The Ultimate Universe sucks.

Seriously. Think about it.

Any of your favorite stories from the Ultimate line, no matter how good, are tainted by the fact that nothing in the Ultimate Universe is remotely positive or has the slightest bit of fun to it. Does Nick Fury have to be a complete know-it-all douche? Did Iron Fist really have to sell out the "Ultimate Knights" to the Kingpin? Did Moon Knight have to be a looney toons freak who would drive a school bus through a high school and start shooting randomly to draw Spider-Man out? Does Colossus have to be a steroid case or Nightcrawler a creepy stalker?

As dramatic as a Marvel story can be sometimes, it's comforting to know that it takes in a universe where Gravity could become a herald of Galactus or a psychiatrist is a gamma-irradiated behemoth with green flowing locks. I know I may have said this before, but after reading the latest issue of Ultimate Spider-Man, the only Ultimate title I still read, I'm knid of glad Ultimatum is clearing out that line. I see it as a sign, a sign that any universe that would be overhauled by Jeph Loeb is not worth my time. So, I'm done. The last issue of Ultimate Spider-Man I read will be the last issue I buy.

So People Read This Thing

I feel compelled to post, as I have found out this blog has a legitimate follower. So here goes...

First off, I have no clue as to where Batman:R.I.P. is headed. Does that bother me? Not in the least, other than the fact that I really like the idea of being able to guess where Grant Morrison is taking a story without doing shrooms. So far, the only problem I have with the story is Tony Daniel's art which I find bland.

The story is so out there, I love it. Batman has a backup personality in case of emergency. That's genius. And a criminal mastermind who loads up the hero with heroin and throws him into the street? Red Arrow would be afraid of him. The last bit of dialogue from #5 isn't quite firing any synapses in my mind, but I can't wait to see how it ends.

There's a reason I don't read Young X-Men, X-Force or X-Men Legacy, yet do read Uncanny X-Men and Astonishing X-Men. It's because the former titles are too damned emo. Even X-Force, which has more stabbings than New Jersey, is filled to the brim with forced drama. Those three titles represent the stereotypical X-Men stories filled with characters either filled with grief, rage or self-hate.

Uncanny X-Men and Astonishing X-Men, on the other hand, are more great titles with the X-Men shown not as the dour protectors of a dying breed, but as, well, the exciting protectors of a dying breed. It may not seem like much, but to have Cyclops and Emma Frost flirting with each other while chasing down Empath on a motorcycle is just what the X-Men needed to break a cycle of mood-killing stories.

I don't know what Amadeus' problem is. There's no better wingman than Hercules.

Jeph Loeb was fired from Heroes. Having read both Hulk and Ultimates 3, I can only see this as a good sign.

Here's where I usually promise to post more often, and then don't. So I won't. Instead, I leave you with my favorite scene from Secret Invasion. It's one of the most poignant things Brian Bendis has ever written.

Comics Not So Cool So Far

I wanted to post earlier but Saturday I was able to play something like eight hours of HeroClix in the Cave of Gyuss Baaltar, so I was pretty wiped for awhile. And then some of the books I read this week have really hurt my head.

Like this one. It was written by Bob Haney, for gods' sakes. Nevermind the Space Beatles vs. Primal Hippies, the Wonder Girl presented in this is one of the worst examples of sexism I have ever seen. It's kind of jarring, what with Donna falling for some warrior and wanting to marry him and fighting against the Titans for him.

In Punisher War Journal, I was kind of able to accept the new, inexplicably crazy Aloysius Kraven, even though he has a brother who was already following in the original Kraven's footsteps. But in the interlude with G.W. Bridge assembling a new Six Pack, Matt Fraction gives us a Silver Sable who's now a second rate Black Cat. Inexplicably! The series up to this point has been awesome, but it's these weird touches to jam characters into the storyarc that leave me bleh.

Hulk #1. Now, I'll pretty much enjoy anything drawn by Ed McGuinness. Bulky physiques and all, the man knows how to draw an action sequence. Now anything written by Jeph Loeb, that's a toss up, thrown a little too far to the left. Leonard Samson starting a fight with Russian superheroes because of jurisdiction issues and this splash page make me think Loeb has lost whatever it was that made his name memorable.